Practically every person adheres to thelifetime of certain principles, which can be adjusted depending on the situation. One of these can be called a specially created in the imagination label called: "What can not be forgiven."
Let's talk in this article on this topic.What is forgiveness, what can you forgive and need, and what is impossible, because the offender will strike his blow again. In addition, discuss that you can not forgive a guy and a girl, if it's about relationships.
What is forgiveness?
Everyone who professes a religion knows:forgiving is a work of charity and right. It is considered wrong to carry a grudge within oneself, but an act of revenge is an even more incorrect act. The best thing that can be done if you are offended is to forgive a person and let go of the situation, that is, stop thinking about her and play over and over again.
Probably, each of us understands: forgiving is right and good, but it is not always possible.
Why do not we want to forgive people?
There may be several reasons for this.So, one of the most common - we like to be offended. That is, they inflicted some damage on us, infringed on our dignity, pity us! And if you have no one to spare, I will just walk and savor my insult, like a lump of sour lemon.
The second reason is the impossibility of forgivenessas such. That is, we have certain principles that determine the value of our personality. For example, we say to ourselves: "I'm so beautiful, I can not raise my voice!" And then life brings us to a man who did not know about us this truth and "encircled" us with a three-story mat. To forgive him is to go over his own principles, and this is difficult to do.
The third reason can be in what kind of usinflicted injury. What if it is incommensurable, in our terms, with nothing? It's one thing to forgive a person who hit you or humiliated you. It is possible, albeit not easy. And is it possible to forgive someone who took away the health or life of a loved one, whether by will or not? Is it possible to forgive a doctor who committed a medical error or a driver who accidentally knocked down a pedestrian? Let's talk about this further and find out that you can not forgive and that you must forgive.
You know yourself very well, do not you?What exactly do you like and what does not. Where you grew up, studied, worked. With whom you are friends, whom you do not love and whom you would like to meet as your second half. A set of all these sensations, memories and mental images is your "I", or ego. Imagine: you suddenly lost your memory as a result of an accident. You come to, look in the mirror and see your reflection ... You see, it's you, but who are you?
Memories seem to be erased. So, take our memory from us, and we will lose ourselves? No, it is not true - we will lose our perception of ourselves, and nothing more.
Now about the principles. All your dogmas, perceptions and rules are just the same parts of the "I". You created them, carefully sculpted and carried with you, so that your self-identification was as complete as possible. After all, the more you can tell about yourself, the more complete personality you are. So, you know, the question: "What can not be forgiven a man?" The answer is one: "You can forgive everything. The only problem is the desire to do it. " If you go beyond the limits of your ego for a second, you will learn: you do not have principles and rules, and you can pardon even your own executioners in your imagination.
Why we are taught a sense of dignity and pride
About what can not be forgiven, we are toldparents in the process of education. This is done with a good purpose - to save the kids from mistakes. After all, everyone should have a sense of dignity, a love of self. Mom does not want her daughter to suffer from her husband's fists in the future. The father will not wish his son to be cheated on by his wife. Therefore, since childhood, each carries in his head Pandora's box named: "What can never be forgiven." Notice, the box is closed. Parents tell us that it's impossible to forgive, but they do not disclose the cards to the end: what will happen if you still forgive the offender? ..
Therefore, every man knows that you can not forgivewoman, and each lady keeps in her head a scheme, which she will not forgive her chosen one and so on. Most often these principles are hard as flint, and breaking them is tantamount to betraying oneself.
What can not be forgiven: "Ask" -list
Let's make a list of the most acute situations and deeds, which are very difficult or impossible to forgive:
- An insult to human dignity or humiliation.
- Physical violence.
- Betrayal, treason.
- An accident that had tragic consequences.
- Intentional harm, which led to a tragic event.
As you can see, there is always something worse than what isalready happened and that "you can not forgive." For example, some unfortunate publicly cursed and humiliated the chief. A person swears to himself never again to talk to him and considers him an enemy number one.
But if in the evening the same poor fellow learns that heeven his wife changed, then the morning situation with the boss will seem not so sad. The boss can already be forgiven, but his wife becomes a persona non grata in the soul of this person. Go ahead. Agree that the same betrayal does not seem too much grief in comparison with points four or five.
This mental experiment indicates that,that the category "What can not be forgiven" is relative and can change in your mind. You are a full-fledged master of your principles and beliefs. Therefore, only you decide whether to forgive the offender.
Learning to Forgive
Do not be able to forgive - it's like that to your own andso heavy life's burden to throw up from time to time weighty cobblestones. Have you noticed what is going on in the mind with "undefended", and therefore unresolved, situations? Many "pull" from the kindergarten memories of how they were offended, teased. Further on in life - more grievances. They accumulate and increase in size, at the same time generating complexes and negative expectations from others. "I've been offended so many times - it means I'm a failure. Weak person. If I were good, I would not be betrayed so many times. "
Believe (and check) what to forgive is the mostsimple and natural, which can be done in response to the offense. So the Bible and the Church teach us. What can not forgive? From the point of view of Christianity, there are no such acts. You can forgive everything!
Accept the imperfection of the offender. Understand that he is only a man. He has his own fears, views on life, complexes. Perhaps, hurting you, he just wants to get out of his quagmire, to become higher, albeit dishonestly, at your expense. Forgive him. Wish him happiness, because a person satisfied and happy will not cause and will not wish the other anything bad. And you will see that the situation will be resolved, that with you as if the cargo will fall down, it will become easy for you! And the offender will leave your life or apologize if this is your close friend.
"Forgiving is my favorite rake"
You have not heard from women whoregularly beat husbands, that they understand why this is so? Like, my mother told them a long time ago that you can not forgive a man for violence, but they, such-and-so, forgive, but because they suffer. How does this fit in with the theory of what to forgive?
Everything is very simple! It is necessary to forgive, and even necessary. But the act of forgiveness, alas, does not make the offender holy. If you forgive wrong adultery or aggressive - beating, you do not protect yourself from the arbitrariness of this person in the future. What to do? Weigh soberly, what kind of person, and - most importantly - what place he takes in your life. Perhaps it will be better to forgive him and ... forget, let him go on all four sides.
What you can not forgive in a relationship
For example, you learned that your favorite girlyou changed. You are hurt, but you love her very much and therefore forgive, decide to be with her further. A year passes and you will learn again about infidelity. Well, did you forgive her for nothing?
Let's clarify something. Forgive - this does not mean letting the person again commit a dirty trick towards you. Forgiveness means accepting a situation: "You're wrong, but I forgive you. You are only a person, and therefore you have the right to make a mistake. " So you have to think if you were hurt. And to continue to live with the one who beats you, calls or changes - this is another matter. Most likely, a person refers to life and to you personally not at all the way you think is right. If you were betrayed once, there is a high probability that this will happen again. However, it is quite possible that this will not happen again. In general, what to do next - you decide, but you must forgive!
A little more about the relationship
Do not ask more questions like: "What can not be forgiven a man?", As if the representative of a strong half of humanity - some kind of a separate subspecies. Each man is unique, the mistakes of each are unique. The fact that you did not come across very good "cavaliers", simply says that you are progressing in development and refuse to be satisfied with the small.
No less absurd are questions like: "What you can not forgive a girl?" Remember that you need to forgive a person in any case, regardless of gender and age, and it's important not only for him, but for you. But whether to build a relationship with the offender further or to disperse is already your conscious choice. In itself, forgiveness does not oblige anyone.
What if a person can not be forgiven?
There are things for which a person does not forgiveit is possible. It is very easy to talk about how to let go of a traitor or foul language in the world, but there are misdemeanors, which are very difficult to forget. We are talking about accidents, accidents, negligence, not to mention even more evil - conscious crimes. How can you forgive a guilty person if the appearance of hell is hidden behind the guise of a person?
Let's be frank: this is a complex topic. Perhaps you are not ready to read what we will say next, and yet it is so. Hate to someone eats away your soul. If you have been subjected to extreme pain, you have only two choices: to dig in this trouble, experiencing it again and again, or to allow yourself to live on, letting go of the situation. What to choose is up to you, since you are the master of your life.
How to forgive a crime and a criminal?
The word "criminal" comes from the word"Step over", that is, it is the person who transcends human norms, forgetting about the value of life and health. Such people exist and, most likely, will always exist. We can not look at them in the head, read their thoughts, but if it could be done, then, according to the psychologists, they would see a child there who was once severely offended, but he could not forgive. Now, maybe it's your turn to make a conclusion. But remember that forgiveness is not necessary to someone else, but only to you.
We can think that some things and resentments to forgetit is impossible, but with the same success we can simply take and "release" the offender. Remember that forgiving - it does not mean letting him continue to mock you. Try to simply accept its imperfection, to recognize that it is simply a person who has the right to make a mistake. However, do not confuse forgiveness with permissiveness. If the one who hurts you is such by nature - just leave it and go further on your way.
And one more thing, which should not be forgotten. The longer you bear the burden of offense, and the heavier it is, the worse for you. You lose joy for life, your self-esteem falls. Forgive all those who have ever hurt you, release these people in your mind, and you will immediately receive relief.